{"id":2837,"date":"2017-01-18T14:54:09","date_gmt":"2017-01-18T14:54:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/?p=2837"},"modified":"2018-06-14T08:19:48","modified_gmt":"2018-06-14T08:19:48","slug":"spiral","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/spiral\/","title":{"rendered":"Spiral"},"content":{"rendered":"

He woke lying on his front. His eyes were full of tears with<\/span> <\/b>the remnants of a dream. His left arm was stiff. He could hardly move it and the light radiating from beyond the window began to disturb his eyes. He had a stomach ache and a pain in<\/span> <\/b>the nape of his neck. His tongue and face were burning. He would have given anything for a glass of water, but the tap was far away. He felt that some force was pulling<\/span> <\/b>him down, as if the damp floor wanted to devour him. He had to move. After trying a few times, he stood up, rubbed his left arm and then his eyes. A blinding light covered half the room and coloured everything with a<\/span> <\/b>burning white. The other half was as dark as in a hole. In the darkness some shapes started to assume a form: the outline of a shelf and the flat surface of the table. Various things were scattered on the bed and in front of him. The armchair was full of clothes. Old shoes and books lay scattered around. On the wall next to the window some of the plaster was missing. He saw the brownish red colour of the bricks and the thick layer of dust covering the entrance hall. It glittered in the filtering light. He suddenly realised that he had no idea about how long he may have been asleep on the floor, as if knocked down and left to die.<\/span><\/p>\n

He\u2019d last left the flat<\/span> nine days ago. Even then he only went to the shop to buy the meat, which was now decomposing in the fridge, the smell pervading the whole flat. He stood up straight, then retched a couple of times. He did not bear the stench easily, but he managed to drag himself to the bathroom to drink. Keeping his head under the tap he swallowed the water, then washed his face and the nape of his neck. The sweltering pulsation in his body subsided. He had often felt it after waking up, especially since his wife died. She departed<\/span> <\/b>on a Saturday in November. He remembered going through the main entrance, pulling his coat together and buying the wine for dinner, bumping into a woman, a neighbour, smiling at each other, apologetically debating who should go first through the entrance, the door being left open, the couple of sentences he would never get an answer to. \u00c9va was lying there in the middle of the room. Her hands were pressed hard on a vase \u2013 so strongly that the paramedics could free it only with difficulty. <\/span><\/p>\n

From December he would have had only a year left with the company. They <\/span>had planned their first trip for early spring to an electric blue mountain lake with a dense pine forest on its shore. But blood was trickling from \u00c9va\u2019s mouth that Saturday and she had only a single journey left. It was a cremation. Everything happened fast. He could recall only a few faces, and the priest\u2019s voice reverberated in his ears like a recurring wave. The company was understanding and helped with everything. They managed all the paperwork for him. In the first couple of weeks someone rang to talk to him every day. When he told them he would not go to work any more, for a long time they tried to convince him that even the remaining one year would matter a lot. That he would receive far less if he did not work for that final year. But it did not interest him. In addition, his daughter came home at the weekends, but since they constantly talked about \u00c9va he sent her away. Months went by. He left the flat less and less often and the telephone remained silent for longer and longer periods. <\/span><\/p>\n

He<\/span> went over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. The foul smell was positively coming towards him. The kitchen was full of unwashed dishes, a long stripe of jam smeared across the table. Used filters in a glass, empty wine bottles and mouldy bread. He tried to remember the previous day but hadn\u2019t a clue how those twenty-four hours were<\/span> <\/b>spent and realised that many twenty-four hours had passed he could not recall. He was standing in the middle of the kitchen with a headache, his back was itching and something pricked his chest under his T-shirt. The inpouring light disturbed him. It illuminated a few dirty corners, in the room the sofa with something spilt on it, the shoes and pieces of mud lying on the floor. From there he could see the empty fish tank with the green moss turning sour. He knew he had to struggle with it and felt that if things went on like this something would change for good. <\/span><\/p>\n

It cross<\/span>ed his mind that he was 66. The elapsed time seemed long, yet it was short for things around him to collapse so definitely. He took off his T-shirt and returned to the bathroom. He started to wash off his body the remains of the perspired dream of the night. A piece of a broken toothpick had got caught in his dense chest hair and it was pricking his chest. He washed his neck and his chest. The ice cold water trickled down his belly. He smelt something sour coming from him in addition to the stinking meat and the aquarium. He wanted to get rid of it. He opened the small cupboard next to the mirror and found a bar of soap. Holding it under the water he<\/span> <\/b>turned it round in his hand then ran it down his chest. It excited his skin. Suddenly the tap began shaking. A current started off from the piping and shook the basin, too. It gradually became stronger. It seemed if he did not turn off the tap the shaking would burst the whole system.<\/span><\/p>\n

He switched on the small lamp by the tap. He had put it there because the bulb hanging from the ceiling did not work. The 25 Watt bulb indolently lit the part of the bathroom around the basin. In the mirror he saw his unshaven, worn face and the hair on his chest, which appeared even more dense and grey from the foam of the soap. A thickish strip went down his belly, something must have pressed against him while he was asleep. There was a wound on his shoulder. It still had not healed, although he had had it for weeks. He took the towel lying on the edge of the basin. He wiped his face, then his chest. He rubbed hard to make the foam disappear from everywhere.<\/span><\/p>\n

He went<\/span> over to the room, where he bumped into some objects and the corner of the table. Then he found his glasses and put them on. He moved to the window to look out to the street. A strong wind was blowing outside and was pressing<\/span> <\/b>a damp leaf against the glass. He followed it for several inches. It was like a snail dragging itself along in an unusual direction, contradicting the law of gravity, he thought. Gravity, law, contradiction \u2013 such words came to his mind. As if he had something to do with those expressions. As if he knew their meaning. But he did not even understand why gravity occurred to him and why the leaf was going upwards. The white window frame became narrow and the gravity of things, and also his own, became obvious. The weight that pressed on the object, which was himself, almost hurt him.<\/span><\/p>\n

He detected a point on the chair standing under the window. The green paint <\/span>had chipped off and a greyish brown layer could be seen. A few broken off slender fibres, falling into small pieces, tumbled out onto the painted part. He had to focus hard to see them all one by one. He adjusted his glasses. If he watched through the lenses he saw the parts separating from one another and the very thin stripes among them. Yet when he raised his eyes above the glasses, the fibres merged and the top part of the chair seemed a single smooth surface with only a few large stains. Perhaps the traces of a coffee cup, he thought. He opened the wardrobe. A fusty odour assailed his nostrils, still he took a T-shirt and put it on. It was cool. He thought it was also a bit damp. He took it off. He began gathering the objects. He found seventeen books on the floor. He wished they were there because he had read them. He looked through the titles. He was glad that at least some were familiar. He did not know how they had got onto the carpet or underneath the bed. Heavy dustballs fell back on the floor from the matted socks, and the shimmering jam smeared on the table was also there on the carpet. He found three shoes under the bed, which also spread the stifling musty smell. <\/span><\/p>\n

Some n<\/span>oise sifted through from outside. He heard knocking. He stood upright, then went through the entrance hall. The dust was disturbed by his steps in the filtering light and thickened almost to a fog behind him. He heard the knocking again. He stepped to the door window and pulled the small curtain to the side. <\/span> <\/b><\/p>\n

One of the neighbours, a tall man with brown hair was standing in front of the door. He had a deeply cut black T-shirt and black imitation leather trousers, on which the light slipped as he made a move. He must have been around 40, but his well-cut hair and unusually tanned skin made him look younger. Earlier when he saw<\/span> <\/b>him he always wore brightly coloured clothes and something on him sparkled. He had talked to him once, but didn\u2019t remember about what. He could not understand what he might want. \u201cThey\u2019re gay\u201d, a neighbour whispered to him some time ago. No need to bother about them, you cannot do anything else, anyway, the neighbour added. He did not understand even then what she meant by that. As if there had also been something else in that sentence, he thought. That something should still be done about it. \u201cQueers\u201d, he had once heard on the landing and \u201cFuck the lot of them\u201d, that too.<\/span><\/p>\n

He watched the man smooth back his hair. His movements were strange and his clothes were rather unusual, he thought. He let the curtain fall back. He rubbed his chest. The trace of the toothpick was still itching and some nerves flashed around the open wound on his shoulder. The man knocked again. He thought if they started to talk he might not be able to get rid of him. However, after more knocking he turned the key and the top small bolt, and then opened the door, although just a bit.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you want?\u201d he said<\/span> through the gap. He thought he did not really want to say that. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHello,\u201d said the man. He stood slightly straddled on the walkway<\/span> <\/b>and the cut of his V-neck T-shirt revealed his chest hair. \u201cI\u2019m Krist\u00f3f, perhaps you remember.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sure … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve come because we are having a small get-together upstairs and I thought … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you think?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPerhaps you\u2019d like to come up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? Now?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, around now. There\u2019s a small group of people upstairs. I\u2019ve already asked a few neighbours, but actually<\/span> <\/b>no one has been really enthusiastic so far. Then I thought you\u2019d probably like to have a drink.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He <\/span>scrutinised the man\u2019s face. He realised that because of the pure look in his eyes he had not noticed his wrinkles. There was some unusual slowness in him, although he spoke dynamically. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat makes you think that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou seem a nice guy. M\u00e1rk also thinks you\u2019re kind,\u201d he said, then leaning closer he continued somewhat more quietly. \u201cNot everyone is like that in this block.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A strong scent of perfume assailed his nose, it was a sweetish smell. It expelled the sour mossy and musty smell from his nose.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2019s M\u00e1rk?\u201d<\/p>\n

The man\u2019s eyes opened wider. A smile appeared on his face. He scratched his forehead where tiny beads of sweat smeared.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cM\u00e1rk\u2019s my partner. We\u2019ve gathered for him now … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHas he died?\u201d, he interrupted and his chest tightened because of \u00c9va and the abrupt question. He saw her lying on the carpet and the reddish spot spreading out around her head. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, fortunately<\/span> not\u201d, answered the man. Then he paused<\/span> <\/b>. He looked over to the inside of the courtyard. \u201cSo if you feel like it, come up. I know what happened and so … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShut up,\u201d he snapped at the man.<\/span><\/p>\n

There was silence for a while. The wind was blowing outside and it sometimes roared among the walls of the inner courtyard.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re up on the fourth floor\u201d, the man spoke again pointing at the top floor.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I don\u2019t feel like it at all. Leave me alone,\u201d he said and closed the door. <\/span><\/p>\n

He felt his heart hammering. He was sweating. He leaned against the door. He <\/span>caught his breath. He heard the man moving about outside then his steps retreating. He waited. Only the whistle of the wind could still be heard. He returned to the room. <\/span><\/p>\n

The <\/span>stench became even stronger. The sourness of algae and moss mixed with the rotten smell of meat. It stung his nose. He couldn\u2019t understand how it even crossed their mind that he would go up. Incredible, he thought, what people can do. Then he hit on the idea of going up after all and telling them not to even think of pestering him any more.<\/span><\/p>\n

The phone rang. His heart throbbed. He thought that if the man rang <\/span>him he would call the cops. He could not see the phone anywhere. He walked round the room. The ringing grew louder and louder. He came to a standstill, perhaps it would stop. The sound ceased after half a minute, but by the time he had recovered his breath and bent down to pick up something from the floor, it started again. The phone turned up<\/span> <\/b>underneath some newspaper pages. He picked up the receiver.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHello?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHi<\/span>, Dad.\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

When he heard his daughter\u2019s voice he was relieved, but then he suspected what was to follow. His heart was in his throat.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHello. What can I do for you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll drop in today, as agreed. It\u2019s time I had a look at what was happening to you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen did we talk about it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe day before yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI see. Well, the thing is, it\u2019s not too good for me today.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy, what are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs a matter of fact, I have a lot to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat, for example?\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked round the room spontaneously and felt <\/span>he wasn\u2019t even lying.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, quite a lot of things.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI see. Listen, Dad, I want to say … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m OK, everything\u2019s alright. Don\u2019t come for me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWho do you think I would go for?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy are you doing this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat you\u2019re constantly turning<\/span> <\/b>me down.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t <\/span>turn you down, I\u2019m simply busy. I\u2019ll tell you when I need something.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s great, Dad.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s up now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you ever think about just meeting up?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean? I don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou could just put on something decent, leave the flat and we could go somewhere together.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhere?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGod only knows. Anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know I don\u2019t like it<\/span>.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat don\u2019t you like?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you talk gibberish.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t talk <\/span>gibberish, I actually talk sensibly. Let\u2019s go and look at this phenomenon, or whatever it\u2019s called. That thing in the sky now. It\u2019s really beautiful.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat phenomenon?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis … I don\u2019t know. Some star can be seen in the sky, a supernova or something. I\u2019m no good at it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIs it why it\u2019s so light?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. Well?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWill you get dressed?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am dressed.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI see.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat time is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPerhaps 8. I think.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c8 in the evening?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t go anywhere at this time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs if you ever did … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be unfair!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDad, I\u2019m not unfair, just sad.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sad too, but nothing can be done about it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean by that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour mother die<\/span>d. Nothing can be done about it. That\u2019s what I mean.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFor a change I didn\u2019t mean her.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut who?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou, Dad. That it\u2019s no good like this.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s not good? I\u2019m very well.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou know that<\/span>\u2019s not true.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure it is. I\u2019m absolutely fine.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll the more reason to meet.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s meet tomorrow. I\u2019m tired, and like I say, I have a lot to do.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTell me a single thing that\u2019s urgent and then I\u2019ll let you be.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He did not answer<\/span> immediately. He heard strong puffing. He held the receiver away. He suddenly realised that it was him who was puffing so much. He thought he would go up to the fourth floor, knock on the door and tell them how impertinent he considered them to be<\/span> <\/b>pestering residents of the block at 8 in the evening. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll be honest, I<\/span>\u2019m a bag of nerves,\u201d he spoke again into the receiver.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, that\u2019s usually the case.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease, don\u2019t scoff at me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore you rang, a neighbour knocked on the door. How shall I put it? … So … There is a, or two … men. Two … gay<\/span>s. That\u2019s what they are called, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, there is such a word, Dad. Was it them who enraged you so much?\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOne of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t actually know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you remember?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe asked me if I felt like going upstairs.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid they ask you to theirs?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOne of them, the taller guy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what did you say? You don\u2019t seem to have gone.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He waited a while<\/span>. Perhaps his thoughts would come to some sense and he could render a reason for what disturbed him so much, but by the time they began to take shape the line was buzzing. He heard his daughter\u2019s voice, things like \u201cAre you there?\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ll be going\u201d and he sometimes asked back \u201cWhat did you say?\u201d Then he repeated \u201cI don\u2019t understand\u201d twice or even three times. The connection broke and he heard only a crackling noise. He put down the receiver.<\/span><\/p>\n

Voices filtered in from outside. <\/span>He went again along the entrance hall to look out. He pulled the curtain to the side. Some people were standing on the walkway on the fourth floor. He couldn\u2019t hear what they were talking about, only their laughter, and he saw two men and a woman clinking their glasses, then one of them lighting a cigarette and after a while flicking the ash down into the courtyard. It shone in the white light. He let the curtain back in order not to see them. He heard the laughter filtering through again. The inner space of the block amplified it. His chest became heavier. Meanwhile, the long entrance hall pulled him inside: the space became too narrow, as if the objects and the wardrobes were closer to him and wanted to climb on him. He heard the laughter. He felt beads of sweat on his skin. He was cold. In the white light the entrance hall was blurred before him and as he raised his hand to touch his face he felt wetness. Everything became soggy and uncertain. He heard the panting once more, then laughter again, panting, both together and the word \u201cqueers\u201d came to his mind. He saw the neighbour\u2019s face, her hands as she was explaining, then the man standing in front of the door and pointing in the direction of<\/span> <\/b>the fourth floor, the aquarium, the rotting bits of algae, and finally \u00c9va on the floor with that vase in her hands. He hit the door at first gently and then more forcefully.<\/span><\/p>\n

He could no longer stand<\/span> up. He crouched, leaning against the door. He tried to breathe evenly. He heard giggling again and felt it was infuriating him. He stood up and went into<\/span> <\/b>the room so as not to hear it, but the laughter was in his head during each movement whenever he put something somewhere. He thought they may have heard him knocking things about. He quickly went along the entrance hall and looked out of the window. He thought they might be laughing at him, that after he\u2019d been downstairs, the man went up and told them how poorly he looked. He may even have noticed the smells coming from the flat, he thought. Those three were still standing on the walkway. One of the men was explaining something. He watched his movements. The man suddenly looked down and he saw he was looking directly at him. When the woman also turned her head he was sure that they were talking about him. He let the curtain fall back. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBloody hell, I don\u2019t believe it,\u201d he said half aloud. He thought of going upstairs and telling them to fuck off, not to mess him around: if the guy came down only to mock him they\u2019d bloody well regret it. He put on some leather shoes. He was already holding the door handle when he realised he was half-naked and that was how he opened the door. That\u2019s what old age was like: you didn\u2019t notice the obvious, he thought.<\/span><\/p>\n

He <\/span>returned to the room and started rummaging through the clothes in the wardrobe. All the shirts were creased. He took out a white one, a black one and a blue striped one. The white light shone in the same even way and covered exactly the same part of the room as earlier. He found it peculiar that it did not move farther along the wall. He watched the dust swirling above the objects and thought about the fact that he was inhaling it. He put on the stripy shirt. It seemed the least creased. He went out to the entrance hall and grasped the handle. He was pondering what he smelt of. He started smelling his arms. They had a pungent smell of sweat. He heard voices from outside. He stepped to the small window and drew the curtain aside. The door opened upstairs, the voices became louder. He saw two men going out to the walkway. The one who came to see him and another, shorter man. He thought again that they may be talking about him. He noticed handprints on the glass. He fitted his hand on them. They were clearly his. He was looking at the wrinkles, his dirty nails and the dense hair on his hands. When he looked up again he could see no one outside. He heard only the whistling of the wind and felt that the white radiation sinking from the direction of the sky had intensified.<\/span><\/p>\n

He pressed<\/span> down on the handle. The wind pushed the door. His hand slipped down the thin aluminium and the door opened wide. He stepped out onto the walkway<\/span> <\/b>carefully. The colours were faded. As if someone had gone over everything with an eraser to remove what was unnecessary, he thought. The door closed behind him. As soon as it clicked he knew he had made a grave<\/span> <\/b>mistake. He did not have his key. He grasped the knob but in vain did he pull it. The door failed to open. Through the tiny gaps in the curtain he saw the muddy floor of the entrance hall, his coat hanging and the white light streaming down the long, built-in wardrobe on the left. He examined himself. His trousers had a long tear above his left thigh. Moreover, he found their pale green colour with the light brown shoes very disturbing. He also saw that his shirt was as creased as a dog\u2019s well-chewed rag toy. <\/span><\/p>\n

He heard some people talking from the direction of the stairs. One of the voices was familiar. He did not want to meet the woman from <\/span>next door. He stood close to the door so as not to be noticed. After they reached the second floor the two women stopped at the landing. Meanwhile he heard the phone ringing inside. He began counting the rings but soon lost count because of the familiar voice. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow many times do you think I\u2019ve warned the bastards that this is not a playground or a disco? <\/span>Bloody hell, must one listen to this? Moreover, we live on the third floor. Do you think I can hear the TV?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, of course, not.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd that\u2019s not the biggest problem.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re pansies.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPansies! Don\u2019t you know what that is?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I do. That is … No, I don\u2019t, or … \u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTwo men, together. Or two women. Or not, that\u2019s called something different. All the same. Disgusting, that\u2019s the point. Can\u2019t you see?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOf course, I can, Marika. Don\u2019t be silly. Do you think I don\u2019t understand? That is, they are like that … together?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, that\u2019s how. How else? It turns your stomach. You know what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel sick just looking at them.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, me too.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut do you know who I\u2019m talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m afraid I don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey live up there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou must have seen them. They look so typical.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAha, I can guess who you mean.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOne is shorter and the other is tall with brown hair.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re disgusting. They turn my stomach.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI <\/span>know, Marika. I do understand. And this noise?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo upsetting! This shit every week. And I don\u2019t care it\u2019s Friday, fuck the bastards. For once we could have a quiet Friday, couldn\u2019t we? Is that too much to ask for?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOf course, not. We had both the door and the windows insulated.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course, last year.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd is it any better?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAre you joking? Far better. <\/span>The only problem is that since then I can\u2019t hear anything from outside. But of course, before that…\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTerrible. I can hardly cope.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you spoken to them?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, no<\/span>! You can\u2019t, to people like them.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCan\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOut of the question. I would never talk to such people.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so disgusted by them, do you understand? They\u2019re not human. I can\u2019t even sleep. It\u2019s not only the noise, it\u2019s also so light. Horrible.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes. I don\u2019t even understand what this thing is. What\u2019s causing it, do you know?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJudit, haven\u2019t you heard the news?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cConstant bad news. It\u2019s so exhausting. So and so has died, such and such river\u2019s flooded. Who can stand it all?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re right. At these times I just cocoon myself.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The two women kept on talking, but he only caught a couple of words. Luckily they set off in the other direction. He waited a bit and then looked to the left. He saw Marika going up the stairs, heard the wind whistle and the rhythmic thudding. <\/span><\/p>\n

He felt he <\/span>needed to pee. There was no way to get back into the flat unless he forced the door open or broke through the glass, but he did not want to do that. He looked up at the top floor. First yellowish then shades of purple lights were cast on the wall opposite the window and flashed in such a way that he had to squint. Sometimes the thudding was louder, then it suddenly quietened and a tune seeped through. After it stopped he couldn\u2019t recall it.<\/span><\/p>\n

He went round the walkway<\/span> <\/b>to go up the back stairs. He tucked in his shirt,<\/span> <\/b>but realised it was worse and so untucked it again. He proceeded upwards carefully because the shadows under each step were deep like a pit and he always tried to step on the bright parts. He reached the third floor. The wind was blowing hard. He thought of knocking on Marika\u2019s door where the light was already on, but shuddered at the idea. He knew he would have to listen to the words he had heard a couple of minutes before together with some other stories, and he did not feel like it at all. \u201cPansies\u201d \u2013 the word came into his mind again and thought he did not really know what it meant. Then that he actually knew but did not care. Yet if it was not necessary he would not go up, he was sure of that. He had the shivers.<\/span><\/p>\n

He was pondering who else he could turn to. A neighbour downstairs, a guy even older than him came to mind, but he immediately knew he could not help. He stood by the railing of the walkway. He ran his eyes over the doors trying to associate faces with them. It suddenly struck him that he did not have a clue who lived behind those walls. The wind was blowing even stronger. His bladder was pressing more and more. His groin had sharp pains and he already had a bellyache. He felt the cold penetrating him and he was instantly going to piss himself. He leaned against the railing. It was difficult to breathe. He seemed to hear some words, but the wind carried them away. In vain did he focus, the vibration of the railing and the windows surpassed all. He heard the throbbing music beating dully in the interior of the courtyard, a few tiny female shrieks and a door slamming upstairs.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00c1gi. The phone. These two words were on his mind, also that he should get hold of his daughter so that he could get back into the flat. That was most important, because if he did not, it would have grave consequences. He started off for the fourth floor. Meanwhile he was looking at the cracked, faded plaster on the wall as various shapes and patterns appeared one after the other due to the play of the light. He continued to place his feet only in the bright area. He edged along sideways, bending down because he could hardly bear the cramp in his groin. He held on to the railing, that\u2019s how he went along the walkway, passing two entrance doors and four dark windows.<\/span><\/p>\n

He reached the door. Those were not voices but some throbbing noise, it occurred to him, also that he did not want to go in. He thought of ringing the bell and asking them to give him a phone \u2013 a mobile or something \u2013 only please let him ring his daughter. Inside, the music stopped. He suddenly had an unusual feeling of missing something. He didn\u2019t know if he could ring the bell. He was standing with his legs pressed together for a while, then he gradually bent closer to the door. He leaned against the wall edging nearer. He heard nothing.<\/span><\/p>\n

The door suddenly opened. He bolted upright, began scratching the back of his neck with his left hand and gave a few little coughs as if that made it less conspicuous that he was eavesdropping. Meanwhile the throbbing noise started up again. <\/span><\/p>\n

A young woman stood in the door and looked at him questioningly. Stripes of different colours flashed in her black ruffled hair. Her eyebrows were thickly painted, her breasts almost popped out of her top, and as he looked at them he thought they were disproportionately large for her body and it must be rather difficult to hold them all day. He did not dare to speak because the girl was watching him with piercing eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s up, granddad?\u201d, the girl asked. Her voice was pleasant, far thinner than he had expected. \u201cGranddad,\u201d he repeated the word to himself. He did not know whether it was offensive. \u00c1gi came to his mind \u2013 he could actually be a granddad if she was simply referring to his age and not to whether he had a grandchild.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Endre. I live on the second floor, down there,\u201d he began answering haltingly. He even pointed down to prove he was not some idiot who should have the door slammed in his face.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI see. OK. Who are you looking for?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He tried to r<\/span>emember the man\u2019s name but couldn\u2019t. He felt the pressing in his groin again. He could not interpret the girl\u2019s face except for her watching him piercingly. He was about to carry on explaining what it was about when the tall man appeared in the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cKriszti, this gentleman is a neighbour from the second floor. Why don\u2019t you let him in?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAlright, I didn\u2019t know who he was. Otherwise, he\u2019s quite sweet,\u201d said the girl. Both were looking at him. \u201cSweet,\u201d he repeated quietly but had no idea what it meant. He felt beads of perspiration forming on his back. He noticed he was still leaning against the wall. He pulled his hands away quickly and immediately lost his balance. He stepped forward to find some support again. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIs everything OK<\/span>?\u201d, the man asked. He drew closer making a movement as if he wanted to hold him, but in the end he didn\u2019t touch him. \u201cYou\u2019ve done right to come up. Come in, please,\u201d he added. Meanwhile, raising her eyebrows, the girl looked Endre up and down then turned round and disappeared inside.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI only … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo need to offer excuses, come in and have a drink. I think it\u2019ll do you good,\u201d said the man.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019<\/span>ll do you good,\u201d he repeated to himself and thought that he must look awful. He heard some rattling from behind. He turned his head and made a small step back. Down below a metal grill door squeaked and someone stepped outside. He saw it was Marika. She looked up, right at him. He heard her say something. \u201cEndre, Endre, what are you doing?\u201d, she asked and the words reverberated from the opposite wall. He was pondering what exactly the woman would think. Then it occurred to him that if he went in everyone in the block would probably know about it. He felt he was sweating more and more.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPlease, come in, Endre<\/span>,\u201d the man said again. He stood motionless for a little while. He squinted, then with a big step he crossed the threshold and the door closed behind him. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll come back in a sec. Make yourself at home,\u201d he heard the man say. He wanted to ask where to find the bathroom but after a few blinks he cold not see him anywhere in the semi-darkness. The flashing lights disturbed him so he closed his eyes quickly. He saw different parts of the block in a white outline, brightly. He felt he was floating, holding his breath, in a pool full of water. He opened his eyes. He began getting used to the conditions inside. He suddenly realised it was not really that dark, only the outside light was unusually strong for him.<\/span><\/p>\n

A huge space opened up in front of him. It did not resemble a flat but rather seemed like a storeroom, as if all the rooms were opened into one. He saw pieces of furniture and a billiard table in the part nearer to him and farther on a few figures, standing or sitting and drinking at a long counter. Snatches of conversation reached his ears. A young couple were kissing by the counter. They were groping so heavily that he quickly turned his head away. The music was deafening, though for him it was not even music, only some noise as he had thought earlier. The girl who opened the door danced alone in the middle of the space. She passed him slowly. He smelt some fine scent. There were many people at the back of the enormous space. Some set off towards the door. He recoiled, for he saw them coming at a great speed. His legs began to shake, the space shrank. Again he felt the pressure around his groin. He thought he would clash with them, but then the space increased again and they had already passed him. Meanwhile they were laughing. Perhaps they greeted him, but he could only focus on remaining upright. He was standing<\/span> <\/b>next to the girl. He watched her moving. He couldn\u2019t understand how she could be so enchanted by dancing on her own. He felt the urge to piss and that he could no longer hold it back. His knees buckled. Looking, he tried to find the man, but could not see him anywhere. He panted. He had no idea what on earth he wanted in this strange flat. He saw the books and the muddy floor in front of him, his hairy chest, the creased shirts, the woman\u2019s face as she was looking at him uncomprehendingly, the railing and the cracks in the wall, then \u00c9va motionless on the floor.<\/span><\/p>\n

The girl suddenly turned and without opening her eyes she put her <\/span>arms round his neck. Her skin was soft. The fine scent filtered through his nostrils, passed through the ducts and began to excite his throat. He felt as if his head would burst in flames. He was sweating again and his heart beat rapidly. He stepped back. He thought there was some mistake, but the girl\u2019s embrace was so strong as she was turning that he had to move in step with her to the beat of the music. He did not know how to hold her. For some time his arms dangled but like that he could hardly move. In the end he put his arms round her waist. He stepped on her feet a few times. He squinted. He was afraid of the girl pushing him away instantly, but then they just danced on. He suddenly pulled her closer. Her breasts touched his chest, soft, yet firm as a freshly washed duvet. He had some pressure in his bladder. They touched each other a few times. He had a slight erection. He sometimes pulled himself away and tried to move so that he would not touch her down below. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s the problem?\u201d the girl asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing, just … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIsn\u2019t it good?\u201d she whispered in his ear.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, it is.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe thing is I need a pee,\u201d he said quietly. He felt his head turned all red with shame and it occurred to him that perhaps he could have said something else.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGo<\/span> then,\u201d said the girl laughing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Endre stepped back. <\/span>There was a kind of smile on his face. It was mostly the sign of an immediate collapse due to the stinging and pressing feeling. He turned round and made a few steps, but realised he hadn\u2019t a clue which way to go in the enormous space. He saw a few doors to the side but didn\u2019t know which one was for the toilet. He glanced back at the girl who was still looking at him. Suddenly she went up to him, held his hand and led him to one of the doors. He saw some people watching them. Their lips were moving. They may be talking about them, he thought, but couldn\u2019t make out a word because of the distance and the loud music. He could barely remain standing.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou can pee inside, Andor. Then come and have a drink at last to unwind a bit, won\u2019t you?\u201d the girl asked. \u201cEndre<\/span>,\u201d his name came to him, but he reckoned it was not important just then.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFine,\u201d he said quietly. He opened the door then closed it behind himself. The music beat dully inside as if he was in a cave. He felt for the light switch on the wall. He pulled down his trousers and sat down. He felt he could more easily relax like that and would have time to think over what to do. Beside the beat he heard the flow, while there was a shudder in his neck and down his back. Tiny beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. The strain ebbed in his groin. He thought he should make a phone call. \u00c1gi came to his mind. Her high forehead and light green eyes, which she got from her mother. He washed his face. He wiped his hands on his trousers, then pressed the door handle and stepped out into the semi-darkness. He saw the man who had let him in at the counter waving him over. He crossed the dark part of the room where he smelt various scents some sweetish, some bitter.<\/span><\/p>\n

Three people were sitting at the <\/span>counter. Apart from the man, a slim girl with red hair whose skin was as transparent as thin paper and a young guy whose head was covered with piercings and whose arms revealed tattoos creeping out from under his shirt sleeves. The man smiled at him. He pulled out a bar stool and gestured for him to sit down. Endre watched him filling a shot glass and putting a slice of lemon next to it. The girl and the guy were arguing. They did not seem to notice him being at the counter, too.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cKrisz, I have no fucking idea how you can say that!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy? Because I can\u2019t see any sense in what you\u2019re on about?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I don\u2019t fucking get why it bothers you that I believe in something else.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t bother me, but I can\u2019t see the point.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut that\u2019s what it is all about. The whole point is that we aren\u2019t looking for a reason, don\u2019t you get it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou seriously want me to believe that the shining what\u2019s-it-called in the sky has any effect on us?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy couldn\u2019t it have?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t start with this spiritual nonsense, please.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re such an idiot. I\u2019m done talking to you,\u201d said the girl. Then she got off the stool but then didn\u2019t move. Endre watched her grab a slice of lemon and dip it in her glass.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGuys, let me introduce Endre. He lives in this block,\u201d said the man.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHi, Endre. Nice shirt. I\u2019m Krisz, the moody one there is D\u00f3ra,\u201d said the young man. He was scratching his forearm which revealed a hooded figure with white eyes. The skin around it was red.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShut it,\u201d said the girl.
\n<\/span>\u201cWhat now? Do you have a problem with me greeting our guest?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo. The problem is that you\u2019re an asshole.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUhuh. Well, that\u2019s how it is. What\u2019s going on, Endre?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The man leaned closer.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t take them seriously, this is how they always are\u201d, he said quietly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo?\u201d the young <\/span>man asked again.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour friend invited me to come up,\u201d Endre answered quickly, then looked at Krist\u00f3f who nodded. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIs that it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, actually … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNever mind.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEndre, please go on,\u201d insisted Krisz.<\/span><\/p>\n

He suddenly felt that the words had to come out.<\/p>\n

\u201cI happened to lock myself out of my flat,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cReally?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d he answered with his head slightly bowed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHere you are, an honest man. Seriously, did you come primarily because Krist\u00f3f invited you or because you locked yourself out?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Endre did not ans<\/span>wer, with downcast eyes he stared at the counter.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s OK, you can tell us. Believe me, he won\u2019t be offended,\u201d said the guy, then smiled at Krist\u00f3f who in the meantime was pouring drinks for the others.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think, <\/span>mainly because I locked myself out.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRight answer.\u201d<\/p>\n

Endre did not really understand why that was the right answer, but did not have any more time to think about it because the young man had raised his glass.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s drink to Endre, who was honest and might possibly help us settle an argument,\u201d said the young man. He saw everyone, smiling, drinks in hand, all looking at him. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat argument?\u201d <\/span>he asked quickly while the others finished their drinks. Then Endre watched the young man sucking on the lemon as if it was a woman\u2019s breasts in need of excitement.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m happy you are so interested, Endre,\u201d Krisz went on then softly nudged the girl who <\/span>was already tapping her phone.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFucking hell, Krisz, why are you always on at me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAre you interested in Endre\u2019s opinion?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPerhaps in his, but not at all in yours,\u201d said D\u00f3ra, while she raised her head and first smiled towards Endre then grinned at the young man\u2019s face.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou anyway know mine,\u201d Krisz said to the girl and turned to Endre. \u201cI\u2019m happy you are here, Endre, because you don\u2019t know any of us, do you?\u201d Endre shook his head. \u201cAnd we have this problem … according to Dorka … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you call me Dorka,\u201d the girl interrupted. <\/span>Krisz only nodded his head instead of answering.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo, D\u00f3ra thinks that this phenomenon has a serious effect on us. But I think that apart from talking about it, it has essentially none.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat phenomenon?\u201d he retorted, then he remembered his daughter saying something like that on the phone.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEndre, <\/span>you know even less than nothing. Don\u2019t you ever leave home?\u201d Krisz asked sneering.<\/span><\/p>\n

His<\/span> chest suddenly contracted. The scattered books, the fallen plaster, the muddy floor came to his mind, as well as the stench which although he could not smell at that moment still somehow came back to him. Krist\u00f3f waved to the young man not to force the issue and tried to change the subject.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEndre, have you ever drunk gin?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

D\u00f3ra<\/span> in the meantime made a motion as if to signal to him that he had forgotten about the drink. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFrankly, I don\u2019t know,\u201d he <\/span>answered. He raised the glass. The strong, sharp smell of alcohol hit him. He took a big breath and gulped down the shot. It tingled in his mouth and throat, then he felt it throbbing and burning in his chest. For a few seconds he couldn\u2019t breathe. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEndre, the lemon. Trust me, it makes it nicer,\u201d Krisz told him.<\/span><\/p>\n

He bit into the slice. It stung his lips. It tasted nice. While he was sucking it he thought he wouldn\u2019t mind having another shot but did not dare say so, only hoped there would be another round. The others talked on but he was pleasantly relaxed, the tension in his back eased and his head became somehow clearer. \u00c1gi and the phone came to his mind. He turned his head round<\/span> <\/b>but at that moment he felt even more that the enlarging space round him was so enormous that he would not be able to find anything.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI ought to make a phone call,\u201d he murmured.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you say, Endre?\u201d the young man asked while filling the glasses.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat I ought to make a call. Is there a phone somewhere here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEndre, you may not believe it but we have loads of phones. I bet everyone has one. Except for you, of course. If anything, I\u2019d bet on that.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. Everybody has one.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMay I use one?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, use mine,\u201d he said and taking his phone out of his pocket he slid it across the counter to Endre who looked at it for a while.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSwipe <\/span>your hand over it,\u201d Chris continued. Endre held the thin phone and with a finger poked the screen, but nothing happened. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSwipe you<\/span>r finger as if you wanted to wipe it,\u201d interrupted Krisz. He put his index finger on the mobile and moved it emphatically. The screen lit up. He saw different colourful things, but didn\u2019t have a clue what they were.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDo you know the number, Endre?\u201d asked the young man. He tried to recall it. He remembered that the zero six was followed b<\/span>y thirty, then a nine, a seven and a three. However, no more. Maybe there was a four and another seven. He didn\u2019t know. Krist\u00f3f reached out towards the phone. Endre saw him press a green icon. Numbers appeared on the screen then a white band and in the middle he saw something like \u201cNo signal available\u201d. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSomething\u2019s wrong,\u201d said Endre.<\/span><\/p>\n

Krist\u00f3f leaned over and <\/span>took hold of the mobile.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo network.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOdd. What? Are you in a black hole?\u201d asked Krisz, who then merely guffawed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou see!\u201d said D\u00f3ra.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat proof is that?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt is proof. You can mock,\u201d snapped the girl.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it<\/span>\u2019s only your shit service provider. Sure mine has a signal. Cheers!\u201d said Krist\u00f3f and then he gulped down the gin and bit into a thicker slice of lemon. The juice trickled down his chin. Meanwhile some people were coming down the stairs. Endre heard them deep in conversation, but because of the throbbing music couldn\u2019t really understand any of it. He just moved his head from side to side. One of them approached Krist\u00f3f, looked at him, wiped his chin with two fingers and then licked the juice off his fingers.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re drinking gin <\/span>without telling us?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right, sorry. But you were so busy upstairs … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI was just kidding, no problem. I\u2019ll have one now. Is that OK?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFine\u201d, said Krist\u00f3f and kissed the man on the mouth. Endre watched surprised, then lowered his head and stared at the surface of the counter. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCheer up, Endre! It\u2019s not as if Krist\u00f3f kissed you,\u201d said Krisz, and he and then the others started to laugh. Endre suspected that on seeing the kiss<\/span> <\/b>he had made a strange face. He felt blood rushing to his head and that<\/span> <\/b>his face was turning increasingly red. He began fiddling with his glass. He realised it was full, so he held it and tried to raise it to drink, but it slipped from his hand and the shot of gin spread on the counter like a small puddle.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFuck,\u201d he suddenly said. He started to search his pockets, hoping he could wipe the drink from the counter, but by the time he looked up the girl who was dancing earlier was already clearing it up. Krisz sometimes glanced at him and he got embarrassed. He scratched the back of his head.<\/span><\/p>\n

The others were still laughing<\/span>, but he thought it was perhaps about something else. Krist\u00f3f was filling the glasses again. His heart palpitations were gradually going. He was thinking how pleasantly the lemon would sting his lips when he bit into it. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cM\u00e1rk, meet Endre. He\u2019s the only neighbour who\u2019s come up,\u201d said Krist\u00f3f smiling, and Endre thought he emphasised \u201conly\u201d . <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHello, I\u2019m <\/span>pleased you\u2019ve come,\u201d said M\u00e1rk, holding out his hand. Endre did the same. When their hands touched<\/span> <\/b>he felt his was covered with gin.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGood evening,\u201d he said<\/span>, so softly that he knew no one could hear it. Then he thought that perhaps \u201cHello\u201d would have been better.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cKrisz, <\/span>would you pass me your phone?\u201d asked the girl with the red hair.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDo you want some proof, lovey?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOnly to wipe that stupid grin off your face!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat<\/span>\u2019s nothing to do with it, but never mind.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll see,\u201d said D\u00f3ra and she turned to the others. \u201cGuys, would you get your mobiles out?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat for?\u201d asked Kriszta.<\/p>\n

\u201cDorka\u2019ll make them disappear, that\u2019s why.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShut it, you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, she\u2019ll make us disappear, the phones will remain for the future. After all, most of our lives can be traced with them,\u201d continued Krisz and he laughed loudly again.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYea<\/span>h, yours for sure.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Everyone took out their phones. D\u00f3ra pressed them all and kept nodding because there was no signal on any.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you pleased?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not about that, Krisz.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about then?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere are things you cannot explain. Don\u2019t you see?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI understand, but you\u2019 re still trying<\/span> <\/b>… \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWill you tell me what I<\/span>\u2019ve tried to explain?\u201d
\n\u201cThat what\u2019s happened has an effect … \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, that\u2019s what I said. But I didn\u2019t want to <\/span>explain <\/i><\/span>anything.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFine, but listen! Now I\u2019m going to ask something.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s you who\u2019s been asking the questions so far.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHaha, very funny. Which star i<\/span>s this?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019d you mean?\u201d
\n\u201cThe star that\u2019s shining now. What\u2019s it called?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBetelgeuse.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhaaat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBetelgeuse.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFine. How big is this shit?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re such an oik, Krisz.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not the point now, answer!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMassive. About a thousand times bigger than <\/span>the Sun.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSeriously?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m just kidding.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd how do you know that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s say I\u2019ve read about it.\u201d
\n\u201cAha, OK. That\u2019s pretty big. And is it part of some constellation?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOrion.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut then it\u2019s exploded now, hasn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt has.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo it\u2019s no longer part of it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI mean there are constellations …<\/span> But I swear I don\u2019t want to taunt you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t wear me out, just tell me!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo each consists of a certain number of stars, doesn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd then a star explodes, are you with me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat is?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFuck off..\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe constellation isn\u2019t there any more,\u201d Endre interrupted.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPrecisely, Endre! There you are!\u201d said the young man with his eyes wide open.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it\u2019<\/span>s not really,\u201d said D\u00f3ra.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut then what will happen?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean what will happen?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, with all that that \u2018Mercury in Gemini\u2019 and \u2018Pluto in what ever.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Endre partly heard the<\/span>m but was unable to listen. The others were also talking about something, but he didn\u2019t understand that, either. He saw them raise their glasses while their lips moved and again sensed the flashing light which he still couldn\u2019t work out where it came from. He raised his glass. Squinting, he let the strong drink slip down his throat. He took a quarter of a lemon from the counter and bit it. The sourish juice dripped down his chin and neck. He enjoyed it stinging his lips, as well as the tingling warmth which passed through his chest and head. He again felt he was floating. He would have liked to have a dip in a lake, and that<\/span> <\/b>reminded him of \u00c9va and what they had planned. His chest was tightening more and more.<\/span><\/p>\n

Someone touched his shoulder. He looked up. He saw the girl with black ha<\/span>ir in front of him as she bent quite close.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHave you fallen asleep, Endre?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. Or at least I don\u2019t think I have,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe others are already up on the balcony. Shall we go?<\/p>\n

He rubbed his eyes and yawned. He tried to conceal it. As he got off the bar stool, his legs trembled. He felt faint, but had no pain. The girl watched him with big eyes and he simply said let\u2019s go.<\/span><\/p>\n

They went upstairs, through a large room, then <\/span>they had to go up three stairs to reach an enormous balcony from where you could see half of the city pulsating in white light \u2013 like soured cream, it occurred to him. But then he changed his mind, it was not so thick. He saw the people as black spots. He was surprised at so many people being together. They were standing in pairs or small groups. He watched them clinking their glasses and pointing up in the direction of the white spot, which he saw<\/span> <\/b>only out of the corner of his eye. He did not dare to look at it directly. His head was buzzing and he felt the alcohol working. He passed by a few people, but didn\u2019t look at them. He wanted to reach the railing so he could hang on to it. To the right he noticed a large, square shape looking like a tub, from which thick steam was rising. Some people were sitting in it. He did not see their faces clearly between the circulating and swirling streaks of steam. The stuffy smell assailed his nose. He felt like submerging in it. He bumped into someone. <\/span>\u201c<\/span>Sorry,\u201d he said, and heard the other person say something, but he did not understand it. His legs trembled. Luckily he had reached the railing. He clutched hold of it. He saw roofs with black aerials, the edges of thick chimneys, the river flowing in a greyish blue line, a mountain with a big statue on the top, alternating red, yellow and green stripes filtered in the white radiation. He also heard hooting. A blurred mixture of words spoken by those standing around him. Laughter. He sensed some pressure at the back of his head and his shoulders, and thought his anguish was returning, but then he realised that someone had simply put a hand on his shoulder. Krist\u00f3f stood beside him with those who had been at the counter downstairs. He saw the tattooed young man, his lips moving, and the red-haired girl with a wide grin next to him. He saw the girl whose hips he had held. She was close and that calmed him. A glass appeared in his hand, he raised it, smelt it then gulped down the drink without thinking and the lemon was immediately before him. Someone was holding it. He only had to<\/span> <\/b>bite into it. It was juicy and it stung his mouth as if<\/span> <\/b>his lips and gums were compressed, as if his tongue was on fire. He heard laughter, but it no longer bothered him. Two people took his arms while he watched the movement down below, the long strips of car lights. Like on photographs, he thought. He felt some pressure on his shoulders. Someone was holding a phone high up. The others laughed and on the screen he saw Krist\u00f3f, the red-haired girl, Krisz sticking out his tongue, and himself, his tousled hair, crumpled shirt and the half smile on his face. He laughed out loud. He ran his fingers through his hair and stepped aside. He caught sight of the steaming tub and thought about taking off his shirt and trousers, and of sinking into the water. The shirt was already off. He threw it far away, leaned forward and pulled off his trousers, seeing the hairs on his stomach and forearms. His tongue was still burning as if a flame was ablaze in his mouth. The steam hit him. His body flinched when he put his left foot in the hot water. His body quivered, his groin became numb, his back was cold but by the time it would have bothered him he had already bent his legs and slid into the water between the streaks streaming upwards. A thin haze covered his glasses. He closed his eyes and smiled. All his body crackled as if thousands of ants had invaded it. The white light filtered through his eyelids. \u00c9va\u2019s face, then his daughter\u2019s flashed before him. Everything was only a single point. Then not even that.<\/span><\/p>\n

He woke lying on his <\/span>front. His eyes were full of tears with<\/span> <\/b>the remnants of a dream. His left arm was stiff. He could hardly move it and the light radiating from beyond the window began to disturb his eyes. He had a stomach ache and a pain in<\/span> <\/b>the nape of his neck. His tongue and face were burning. He would have given anything for a glass of water, but the tap was far away. He felt that some force was pulling<\/span> <\/b>him down, as if the damp floor wanted to devour him.<\/span><\/p>\n

translated by Katalin R\u00e1cz<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

He woke lying on his front. His eyes were full of tears with the remnants of a dream. His left arm was stiff. He could hardly move it and the light radiating from beyond the window began to disturb his eyes. He had a stomach ache and a pain in the nape of his neck. His tongue and face were burning. He would have given anything for a glass of water, but the tap was far away. He felt that some force was pulling him down, as if the damp floor wanted to devour him. He had to move. After trying a few times, he stood up, rubbed his left arm and then his eyes. A blinding light covered half the room and coloured everything with a burning white. The other half was as dark as in a hole. In the darkness some shapes started to assume a form: the outline of a shelf and the flat surface of the table. Various things were scattered on the bed and in front of him. The armchair was full of clothes. Old shoes and books lay scattered around. On the wall next to the window some of the plaster was missing. He […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3346,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[93],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2837"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2837"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2837\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3482,"href":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2837\/revisions\/3482"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3346"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2837"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2837"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/szollosimatyas.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2837"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}